Momentum

I find myself wanting you,

against my will

- I can feel, half angry,

half hungry,

my body fully awake

by desire.

I find myself wanting you,

against my will.

And it's so strong

I have to write it down.

And it's so strong

I have to touch me, down.

I get up to get paper and pen,

in the dark.

I won't turn on the lights,

I don't want to have to face it.

I do not want to admit it.

I get up

feeling a left breast

experiencing a pulsing sex

I find myself wanting you,

against my will.

And it's so strong

that I have to admit

- I'm not attracted, anymore.

I'm being completely dragged.

I have to give up

and write

touch

tell

What the fucking hell

I'm fucking into you

against my fucking will

Against time

place

sense

I'm inconveniently

wanting to fuck you

against my will.

And I can't sleep

out of desire.

But also frustration

but mostly anger

'cuz there's no time

and this is not the place

nor a proper occasion

to be wanting you so hard.

But I can't help myself.

Can't stop it from happening.

Can't avoid thinking of your hands

in the middle of the night

- but also on business hours -

and the body moves, 

a very autonomous being

knowing exactly what it wants

- and how -,

very aware of you,

Ignoring my ever weakening protests -

trying to reason with this stupid

desire.

Trying to let it fade by time,

hoping it will leave with you for good,

wondering all I wish I could do.

Mouth watering

breath groaning 

heart quicken

goose bumping

body loosening

against my will.

And I finally give up.

But it ain't sexy -

it's furiously excited.